she sleeps, then the sun rises with the rise of her eyelids

The saddest thing is that most evenings throughout the week, this is all I see of my beautiful girl. I usually wake her up early as I am getting ready for work and we watch Spongebob while Mommy is still asleep(she thinks its trash, but we love how silly it is). Raya will always either ask for a banana or toast first thing when she wakes up, and then go to the restroom and then brush her teeth. Then she sits in her comfy chair positioned right next to me as I am ironing and whenever something funny happens I can't help but smile to hear her laughter. Its always so dfficult to leave, she knows my routine so as she sees me preparing to leave, she turns up the cuteness trying to coax me to stay longer. "Sit! Sit!" she will shout as she sees me about to head toward the stairs. When I won't sit she will clamor to grab her shoes and put them on so she can go with me. I tell her I am gonna have to leave and steal a quick kiss. She'll call for me as I am heading out and I just have to rush away and all hours of the day I am just looking forward to seeing her again.

When I get home from school, she's already been alseep for hours. She is very good about going to bed at her exact bedtime everyday. She is the most beautiful sleeper. When i get home every night the first thing I do is run up to her room kiss her on her cheek and apologize for all that I may have missed that day. No matter what troubles I may bring home from these long days at work and school, I am completely comforted as I watch her sleep. I say a little prayer and remind myself that she is the root of all my ambitions and while it might not console my guilt over not being there more often, the joy that fills my heart every night we reunite is enough to console my soul.


Okay, I can explain...

well, not really an explanation so much as an excuse. I have been busy!
Very busy!, and guess why... I get paid to photograph! It has been much easier to get started than I would have thought but much too hard to maintain with school and work. Initially, I ran a promotion with a bargin price and response was great and I was happy until I realized that despite how much I love shooting and making money from it, the time involved in prepping, shooting, sorting, processing, printing and delivering equates to much more than I was charging. Not only that but, school is alot of work and work is even more work and my precious "family time" was disappearing and now time is my new luxury. Besides all this, I have a site I have been building in Studio 8 that I may never have time to finish, 7 appointments for portraits I still have to do, a new portfolio I have to compose for an opportunity to shoot for local publication, stock photography account I have to sort my images for, AND 3 big accounts I need to close for work before end of quarter, hours of additional training I need to attend on latest software update, PLUS homework every single day for all 4 classes! AHHHHHHHHHH
On the other side of my frustations, I have almost all but abandoned my blogs. So sorry, but I just don't have the time to edit and post interviews. I am barely apart of the Flickr community anymore.

But soon, once time allows, I will be back to regular posts and treating you all with more of my photos and toturing you with my rants.



grainsilostrouble aheadclosed