10.27.2005

Creative Boundaries

bees paradise

By creative boundaries I don't mean having reached the bounds or limitations of my creativity, and I would pray that never happens, what I mean is having to create soley within bounds of what may be acceptable right now. These boundaries are finacial, mental, social, etc. All can change with time but if I am changing as well, will I have the mind to create then?

The finacial issue is the least important as nothing I can buy will guarantee better photographs. To elaborate, photography itself is an expensive hobby and even more expensive profession, thus finacially I am bound to the types of photography I can afford. This means that for the most part macro photography of insects flowers and extreme closeups will be unexplored until I can afford macro equipment. And to be explored maybe even later still would be certain aspects of nature photography like birds in flight, exotic animals in natural habitats until I can plop down for a supertelephoto or a sightseeing vacation or both.

Mentally I suffer from several blockades, the most notable being my fear of never being as good as I feel I'd need to become a notable professional. Too many times I sit thumbing the work of others comparing myself. I hate that I do it but on some level it feels necessary, on some level I believe that if I find the work of others more engaging than my own, I am failing. We are indeed our own worst critic but "Christopher" usually carries an arrogance with any activity he'd attempt. Not here, here I am venerable and impressionable and self critical and insecure. Confidence can be reflected in every shot, so can every other emotion. Some of my opportunities would have better product had I approached it with confidence. Too many creative chances passed me by on account of that very boundary, when the creative thought is there but not the guts to do it.

One of my fascinations with art, from back in the days of drawing (I was quite the pencil artist in my younger days) was the human form. I think it was defined most after a gift from Jim (best bud) of a barbarian fighting a dragon, the artist name escapes me, but I was a big fan of the artwork then and especially after seeing how he drew women. The women were always drawn so curvaceous and buxom. That and artistic nudes and erotic fine art shaped my style of drawing and even early works of poetry. One of the greatest things I could accomplish would be to somehow bring my art style and poetry into my photography. Boundary here?, I am married and wouldn't very much like to have my wife displayed for all to see and have my reservations about photographing other women in various degrees of undress. I know that is a little silly but
my thoughts are my own. To venture even further into social boundaries, I would love to do more candid portrait/street photography, but how do we view paparazzi, and how would most respond to the notion of unknowingly having their picture taken. There has been some once in a lifetime shots that I have missed because I was too worried about reaction or how I might look to the public. I always have my camera on me, that is one issue I have overcome, and I have researched and found that it is perfectly legal to snap anyone and anything if it is in a public place, but I am more often to preoccupied with those around me watching me.

I am slowly growing into this role. I have started to realize that it goes against who I have been in the past. So slowly, I worry more about what I see and less about how I am seen. Slowly it means more to invest than to spend, more important to be patient, more calculating than frivolous, more assured than uncertain, more confident than arrogant. Slowly I grow.

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